Thursday, December 1, 2016

The Frustration....

I posted some of my favorite moments from walking to school and how these moments are so special but there is always a downside.  There are times that I wish we were in a car so that I could correct them without everyone watching.  Honestly, its not even just watching, it is the judging and the determining what kind of parent I am.  Well, I am a parent that loses it at times and it is on full display for everyone in sight.

Jillian throws the worst fits on the street.  The full blown yelling and crying for all to see how deprived she is of whatever she wants RIGHT NOW!  She is also brilliant at doing this when we need to go to an activity or going to pick up the big ones from school.  It is like she knows that I have a deadline and she is going to stand in her place, refuse to move, and scream at the top of her lungs.  It is such a production, once we actually had a policeman stop to make sure that she is ok.  He asked her if I was her mum and if I was taking care of her.  She nodded her head slowly and her eyes got so big but it did not scare her to not do it again, ugh!

Sebastian is the worst and he is so cheeky!  He runs away, the complete opposite way of where we need to go and he doesn't stop.  He runs diagonally so it is harder for you to catch him.  This makes me so angry and I worry that he is going to get hurt or that he is going to disappear.  This morning we had a full blown yelling match on the sidewalk as he started running the opposite way.  We were late and had to run to Jillian's school in order to make the train to Feltham.  He got mad at me because I was a little bit in front of him and instead of using logic and running a little faster or asking me to slow down, he ran the opposite way.  I turn and tell him to come on and he keeps running the opposite way.  I yelled his name so loud that I think it scared him but it didn't stop him.  Jillian and I started walking towards her school again and he finally ran to catch up as he was yelling at me.  Ugh!

Taryn has gotten much better at walking and doesn't frustrate me as much as the little two.  Taryn has also gotten smart about telling me things that I might not like while we are walking because my reaction has to be calmer than when she tells me at home.  I find myself digging my hands deeper and deeper into my pocket, ugh.

I have no pictures for this post...we don't take the pictures of the moments that frustrate us.  We don't capture the bad as frequently as we do the good.  These bad and frustrating moments are what makes me a better mom.  After the policeman with Jillian, I thought about how can I handle those situations better, I haven't completely figured it out but they are happening less frequently.  Sebastian and I got on the train this morning (yes, we made it as the doors were shutting) and I started crying.  I told him how scared he makes me when he does that and he apologized.  I am already brainstorming how to prevent it from being a yelling match next time.  I have time to process Taryn's bad news and give a much better answer once we walk home instead of just reacting.  I need the frustrating moments to teach myself and to make me a better mom and to kick my analyzing brain into gear.  UGH!

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